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Contest Entry - Vanish by ~Aeziba:iconAeziba:



Vanish
The first thing I noticed when I awoke was darkness. I’d fallen asleep almost instantly after returning from school, dropping like a rock on my living room’s couch. Something, however, was very wrong. The room was completely dark, leaving my vision to almost blind. How long had I been asleep?
Still recovering from the nap, I rose and walked over to the large French windows across the room. My actions were sluggish and ungraceful, though any drowsing cell in my body was slapped to attention as soon as I made it to my destination. There was nothing outside, just blackness. Not darkness, just nothing. My immediate thought was that the world had vanished at some point while I dreamt.
Anxious and frightened, I hurried to the digital clock, and whimpered when I realized what it said. 00:00 was blaring in bright, red letters.
I couldn’t stand the darkness, so in desperation I rushed to a nearby lamp. With shaking fingers, I eventually managed to flick it on, only to find it offered no help. As if I were looking through very heavy, dark sunglasses, the room remained in a sickly black-and-white gradient, though I could define more shapes around me. I was both submerged in a painful darkness and light.
I wanted so much to scream, to tear at the walls and cry out my eyes, but I didn’t. Something in my throat simply wouldn’t allow me to scream, something in my mind wouldn’t allow to me to cry. My eyes snapped up to the grandfather clock, desperate for some form of sanity. The hands on the clock had melted.
Breathing hard, I spun around, hands buried in my hair. I was trying to think rationally, though couldn’t. My mental ability seemed to have vanished with the rest of the world. Shaking, I looked at every possible angle, trying to find something to remind me of who I was, where I was. When my eyes skimmed over the window again, they caught something and quickly returned.
I stopped breathing, eyes narrowing, trying to make out what I was looking at. There was something in the window, a silhouette of darkness. Almost instantly I recognized what was there... It was a face. A nose, two open eyes, and thin lips. It was definitely a face, though there was something wrong as well. The skin was pulled too tight against its bones, its eyes were too dark, its mouth too straight.
My mouth dropped open and I slowly stepped backwards, until my back encountered the wall. I wanted to look away, to close my eyes, but I couldn’t stop staring. It watched me as I watched it. My knees gave out and I slid to the floor, sitting with my legs pulled up against my chest. With great difficulty I managed to pull my hand to my face, covering my eyes.
The creature emerged from the wall and flew at me, melting its surroundings into darkness as it did.
I screamed.
©2008-2009 ~Aeziba
:iconaeziba:

Author's Comments

This is a (very) short story I wrote for a writing contest.
Max. 500 words.
I hope you like it ^^ I'd LOVE feedback, I want it to be perfect before I send it in.

Characters, plot, names and related material belong to Aeziba.

Comments


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:iconazura-adella-seryn:
I'm not sure if I love it... Since it's for a writing contest, I would write about something a little more personal. Something you know about. Or a dream. Or is this a dream? ^^;

Anyway, it's not very strong. Try to write something that makes the readers want to read it again and again. Don't make it easy to forget. Those who are memorable are more likely to win in a contest.

--
There is only one place you can go to avoid God.
Hell.
:iconaeziba:
Hmmm... Yeah, I see what you mean. I'm just not sure what else to write. I guess I'll just enter it and hope for the best, it's not the end of the world if I don't win :] Besides, horror is what I'm trying to improve at.
And I'm entering a poem, too, so I might have an extra poem ;P
Thanks for the input, though! Greatly appreciated.

--
Everyone's afraid of their own life
If you could be anything you want
I bet you'd be disappointed, am I right?

- MODEST MOUSE
:iconazura-adella-seryn:
^^ Your welcome.

--
There is only one place you can go to avoid God.
Hell.
:icontrivettjames:
I think it's perfectly fine!!! I LOVE IT! I'll be pissed if you don't win! Amazing imagery, smooth transitions, variety of sentence structure, excelent (I can't spell worth crap!) vocabulary, awarness of audiance, this is everything anybody would look for!

--
E Pluribus Unum

"Out of many, One."

myspace.com/JamesTrivett
:iconaeziba:
Thank you! ^^
But I've decided not to enter it for the sole fact that the judges won't want horror- they'll want something they don't mind if kindergardeners read it.

--
Everyone's afraid of their own life
If you could be anything you want
I bet you'd be disappointed, am I right?

- MODEST MOUSE
:icontrivettjames:
Are you going to write another one? You should hold on to it and submit it for something else. I'm taking creative writing next semester, so hopefully it will crack me out of my unproductive shell!

--
E Pluribus Unum

"Out of many, One."

myspace.com/JamesTrivett
:iconaeziba:
Yes, I'm definately going to hold on to it.

Yay! Creative Writing classes! I'm not yet sure if I can take one next year, considering I'm in this rather confusing advanced programme, but there's apparently a chance I can. Which would make my life :D

--
Everyone's afraid of their own life
If you could be anything you want
I bet you'd be disappointed, am I right?

- MODEST MOUSE
:icontrivettjames:
I'm so confused about what I want to do with my life! I either want to be a graphic designer/artist or a writer... Hey! Why not both! I want to do so much... If I wasn't so tired all the time, I'd try to write and draw stuff. Yep, the same excuses for the past 3 months. I have to take foreign language next year. I wanted to take Spanish 1 and 2 this year, my sophmore year, but instead, I got Algebra 3 and Creative writing. I have 2 math classes while all my friends only have 1! I really want to take a web design class my Senior year. Their's rumors that our school has that class, but who knows!

--
E Pluribus Unum

"Out of many, One."

myspace.com/JamesTrivett
:iconaeziba:
Yep, I definately have the problem of confusion on my future.
I adore art, and would love to become a writer. Though I also love science, and aspire to be a vet.
The problem is, I have no clue which one to pic. I simply can't sacrafice one for the other, but they're so different I will. Unless I do something along the lines of writing on my spare time, though I'd prefer to do it as a career.
:S

--
Everyone's afraid of their own life
If you could be anything you want
I bet you'd be disappointed, am I right?

- MODEST MOUSE

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September 18, 2008
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